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Saturday, July 2, 2011

Bed Rest - Day 2

Let me start out by saying this is boring. I don't know how women stay on bed rest for weeks and months, and still stay sane! Hopefully (fingers crossed) my bed rest ends on Friday - 6 days away.

Currently, I'm upstairs on the couch in my IL's living room. I brought everything I figured I would need in order for me to relax up here for a few hours - computer, cell phone, tums, Brethine (for my contractions), lots of water, and pop-tarts (which didn't last long..lol). Being upstairs is much more brighter and cheerier than being down in our apartment. It's more open up here, with more windows so the light comes more and brightens up the room.

The only downfall currently, is that I'm listening to Tyson whine downstairs in the room below me (our living room/kitchen). I left Killian and Tyson out of their cages when I came upstairs so they wouldn't be confined, and so they could play with each other. I just hope they're not trashing the apartment. Tyson is probably lonely, and wondering where I'm at right now, as he's always by my side. Hopefully this is why he's crying, and not because he has to go out, because if Matt finds out I'm walking up and down stairs, he'd kill me.

Our follow-up L&D visit last night went very well. We were only there for about 40 minutes because I wasn't having any contractions - the strip was a flat-line, with the exception of course, of Cael's heart fluctuations. I got my second steroid shot - this time in the left butt cheek - and they sent me on my way. I'm supposed to keep taking the Brethine as needed, or every 8-9 hours for any contractions I have, I have until my appointment on Friday. My MW said that if I don't need it, then don't take it, and if I need it, then take it. "Play around with it" were her exact words. She also explained that my cervix could have shortened because of the contractions that I was having, and that with the bed rest, and lack of contractions, hopefully I will gain some cervical length by Friday.

I had to take it at 4:30 this morning though, because I was awoken with a slightly painful, uncomfortable, belly-hardening contraction. I figured I would wait and see if it passed before I broke out the Brethine, but I just kept getting more and more uncomfortable. I couldn't find a comfy position, and couldn't fall back to sleep. So I took it. It made my heart race, and I felt slightly jittery, but my uterus finally calmed down. I was finally able to fall back to sleep about an hour to an hour and a half after waking up.

Matt and I are also staying home all weekend, as opposed to going camping like we had planned originally. I was so set on going, and "relaxing" at my mom's campsite, and seeing everyone, that I took Cael's health out of my mind, because I figured I'd be just as relaxed there as I would be at home. Well, on the ride to the NST last night, Matt made me finally realize that.

The topic came up, and I was being really stubborn about going, and not staying home. I guess Matt realized that they only way to get through to me (he knows me best) was to yell and get upset and mad. I ended up crying and getting really upset, but he finally made me realize what is important - Cael. I felt so selfish, horrible, ashamed and like an unfit mother because I wasn't putting Cael's health first. As he said to me, "You're not first anymore. Cael is, and then you. You have to realize that, and you're not." Those words hurt, but they were the truth, and I wasn't realizing it. How horrible am I?

I'm not writing this to make Matt out to be a horrible husband who gets mad and yells at everything, because that is not the case AT ALL. Unfortunately, it takes him yelling at me, and saying certain things to make me realize the truth and reality. He later apologized when we got to the hospital for making me upset and cry, but told me it was the only way he knew to get through to me. I love him more for that.

How upset he got also made me realize how much he cares. In a nutshell, he was expressing how he doesn't want to see Cael born now, and he wants what's best for him, and staying home is what's best for him and me. He wants a healthy son, and if I wasn't obeying my midwife's orders and he was born now, he would be really upset, especially with me. I completely understand where he's coming from, and I felt bad for making him worry.

I think I've written quite a bit, so I'll sign off for now. I plan on blogging everyday I'm on bed rest with little updates, so I'll be writing a lot the next week or so.

:::Keep baking, Cael. Mommy and Daddy love you very much:::

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