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Sunday, May 26, 2013

Colpo Results!

My biopsy results came back CIN1!! I got a call a week ago, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. So that means I need a strict 1 year follow-up Pap exam. No more procedures! I am so happy and relieved. Hopefully my abnormality will heal itself by next year. :::fingers crossed:::

Monday, May 20, 2013


So I went ahead and had my colposcopy this past Friday. Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (gee, where have I heard that before?? Ah yes, the biopsy patients we see on a daily basis at work).

So anyway, despite the constant spotting I had for about 18 days prior to the procedure, the doctor was able to still perform the colposcopy and biopsy. I was really anxious leading up to the procedure. I'll be completely honest. I was more nervous that she wouldn't be able to do the procedure because of the spotting (NuvaRing related since I didn't get a period before I inserted it), and that I'd have to put it off another 2 weeks because I was due for my period the following Monday. 

The vinegar solution she put on my cervix really stung. She said that can happen if the cervix is irritated, and mine looked irritated. She saw hpv changes to my cervix during the colposcopy, so she went ahead with the biopsy. 

{{Back up a little here. This doctor I had for my procedure was awesome. She explained everything to me and it made a lot of sense. I also felt tons better. She explained that the type of abnormality that was on my pap (low grade abnormality) is always caused by hpv. Meaning, I tested positive for hpv. I wasn't thrilled about that, but I felt better after learning that most of the population will get hpv at some point in their life. And also that I could have had it for year, laying dormant, and then something triggered it. There's no way to tell where and when someone got hpv.}}

So moving on. She took a biopsy at 6:00, 12:00 and then an endocervical biopsy. The first 2 biopsies were really painful. It felt like a pinching cramp, and didn't last long. The endocervical biopsy was a little more uncomfortable because they take a sample from inside your cervix. Then one of the biopsy sites wouldn't stop bleeding, so she had to hold pressure on my cervix with a cotton swab to get the bleeding to stop. That was uncomfortable. The whole procedure took about 15-20 minutes maybe, and she said I will get results in 7-10 business days. The results of the biopsy will plan the next course of action - 1 year follow up for CIN1, and a LEEP for CIN2 and 3. 

I ended up having some moderate bleeding with clots over the weekend. I freaked out a little because the doctor said that I would only have a little spotting, probably nothing more than what I've been having. Well, this was definitely more than spotting. So on Saturday I put a call into the on-call doctor just to make sure what was happening was ok. The on-call doctor called me back, and said that moderate bleeding can be normal, as long as I'm not passing large clots. Phew! That's good, but just adds to the annoyance that has been some kind of constant bleeding.

So now I anxiously wait for results...

Monday, May 13, 2013

Happy Mother's Day 2013

This Mother's Day was an awesome one. We had beautiful weather, so we made the most of it. Luckily for us, Cael decided to let us "sleep in" a little. For us, that means sleeping past 6:30. Almost every morning, Cael is awake between 6-6:30. The morning of Mother's Day, he slept until 7:30! HUGE! And it was very much appreciated and needed.

We started the day making breakfast together. We made pancakes, bacon and eggs. After we ate, we relaxed for a little bit, and then decided what we would do for the rest of the day. Since t was beautiful out, we decided to go visit Downtown. We haven't had any opportunities to walk around Downtown yet, and I was excited to do this. It's historic, and there are tons of shops within old buildings. I honestly felt like we were on vacation. I really love where we moved. 

Anyway, we walked around for a while, window-shopped, and let Cael run around a grassy area next to the river. A nice couple even took a family picture for us, which I'm happy they offered. 

It was after lunch time at this point, so we decided to go out for lunch. We were getting sushi for dinner, so we wanted something "light" for lunch. We decided to try this place called Noodles & Company. It was amazing! And well priced too! We finished up lunch, then went home. Cael napped, and we spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing. 

We got sushi for dinner, and that was the end of our night. It was truly a great day. I didn't get any cards from Matt or Cael, but that's okay because Matt isn't a card person. I got a beautiful necklace though. It's called a Living Locket, and we ordered it from a coworker through Origami Owl. It's basically a clear locket that you out charms in that mean something to you. I am in love with it. I got a little boy charm with a September birth stone in the belly (for Cael, obviously), a rhinestoned "M" for Matt, and angel wing for AppleSeed, and an owl because I love owls. There's also a plate that goes in the back of the locket, and it's engraved with "Mom". It's my favorite necklace because it represents the mother that I am, and those that made me a mother. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Unexpected News

"I'm calling about your PAP results. They came back abnormal..."

That was the phone call I got yesterday from my NP. As if dealing with an embedded IUD, and the possibility of pregnancy wasn't enough, I get hit with this. I know abnormal PAP's are fairly common, and that a lot of women have an abnormal PAP at some point, but it's still news I never expected. From what I gathered from our short conversation, there are 4 "levels" of abnormal: Change in cells, low grade, high grade and cancer. Mine was low grade abnormal. Because of that, my NP recommended that I have a colposcopy done. With the colposcopy comes the possibility of a biopsy, and I'm dreading that. The biopsy depends on what is seen during the colposcopy. Someone at work says it hurts a lot. Wonderful, just what I wanted to hear.

She also brought up HPV. Say what!? Isn't that an STD?? She said often times, abnormal PAP's can be caused by HPV. Unfortunately, my HPV results haven't come back yet, so she couldn't tell me if I am positive for that or not. Because I was blindsided by this call, I didn't have enough time to come up with questions. So I consulted Google. From what I read, HPV is the most common virus, and almost every male and female has it at some point in their life. It's most commonly spread by sex, and there are about 40 different strains of HPV. Some cause warts, some don't have any symptoms, and some cause cervical cancer. Also, men can have it too, but they are more like "carriers", and are rarely affected by it. There actually isn't a way to test men to see if they're even carriers. Lucky them.

The other thing is that HPV can lay "dormant" for years. So I could have got this years ago, and then something activated it. Most times HPV doesn't cause symptoms, so there is no way to know if you have it until it causes cell changes in your cervix. It can also correct itself over time. So many times, depending on how abnormal, if you have an abnormal PAP, the doctor may recommend a follow-up PAP in 6 months to see if it's corrected itself. So that's good news.

What makes me nervous is that my NP suggested going straight to the colposcopy instead of a follow-up PAP. Maybe she's just being proactive? I know every practice is different. Maybe if it was just cell changes, it would have just warranted a follow-up and not the colposcopy? Who knows.

So anyway, my "procedure" is on Friday, May 17th in the afternoon. I'm going to leave work at lunch, and have Matt take me, in case I have any discomfort. As I tell the patients that need biopsies, be hopeful and optimistic, but be prepared for the worst. I should follow my own advice.

Oh, and I'm definitely not pregnant .Yes, it was still a thought in my mind, especially since my NP told me that if I didn't get my period when I removed the Ring after the 3rd week, to take a pregnancy test. Well, with this new news, and my procedure a week before I would get my period, I felt a test was necessary. Totally negative. ::Phew::


20 Months Old!

April 5 - May 4

Not a day goes by that I don't look at Cael in awe. It seems he's doing new things, or things better and better each day. He's using utensils better, getting better balance, understanding things we say more and more, and the list goes on. We also had our first major "separation" last month. I went to Cleveland, OH for a work conference to learn more about how to use the ultrasound machines. I left on a Thursday, and got home late on Sunday. Saying goodbye was harder for me than it was for Cael. He didn't know that he wasn't going to see his Mommy for several days. But Matt did really well with him, and they got a lot of bonding time. Matt sent me pictures daily, of both Cael and him. It definitely made the separation much easier. I learned a lot from the conference, but I couldn't wait to get home to my boys. I had the Monday after I got back off from work, which was nice because I got to spend time with Matt and Cael.

Getting braver and braver! Jumping into Daddy's arms
So, onto some exciting news. Cael is slowly starting to talk! He can say several words now: mama (my favorite), dada, thanks, down, nice, that, this, juice (he JUST said this yesterday, twice), and a few others that I can't remember right now. And he continuously babbles. I'm so happy he's starting to show some progress with talking. I wasn't overly worried, but it was still a concern. I hope he continues to learn and say more words. Honestly, the problem is that Cael is just stubborn. I hate to say it, but he is. He'll say a word without knowing we're paying attention, and then when we ask him to say it again, he get's shy and starts to whine. We know he knows how to say it, but he chooses not to. The little stinker!

In other news, we're officially weaning off the binky. Tonight is the 3rd night he's gone without it, and he didn't even put up a fuss. I'm so proud of him. The first night was rough. I had to soothe him several times after laying him down, and then he was up around midnight. We brought him to bed with us, and ended up giving him a bink. Last night, I only had to soothe him once after laying him down for bed, and he slept through the whole night without waking up! Matt had set a goal to have him completely weaned off the binky by the end of May, and although I was doubtful, I think we may actually succeed. My baby is getting so big.

The boy loves to eat! He's far from being a teenager, yet he certainly eats like one! - Mickey Mouse is a must in this house. He's obsessed! - Utensil-use has been mastered. He will even tap his spoon on the edge of his bowl to get off any excess. Mealtime has also been significantly cleaner! - Cuddles are few and far between anymore, so every.single.one. is cherished. - He will give kisses now if you ask him. It's a 50/50 shot that he'll give you one when you ask, but I'll take those odds over never getting a kiss! - He is a ball of energy, and loves to RUN laps around the apartment, most often pushing his Cars bubble mower around (sans bubbles, of course). - Still no signs of the 2-year molars. - Holy crow, 4 months until our Little Man turns 2!

More to come, if I can remember to update.

My favorite picture!
Constantly on the move!

Saying goodbye for a few days.
Fun with Daddy while Mommy is away
Time for another haircut!
Second haircut was a success! All it took was a lollipop!

This kid kills me!

Friday, May 3, 2013

Everything Is Perfect!

My blood pressure was 133/86. That is the highest it's been. Ever, I think. This was Monday morning at my appointment to have my IUD removed. But I wasn't just anxious about the removal of an embedded IUD. I was terrified that I was pregnant. Ever since my NP told me that I'm not protected, my mind has been running rampant with tons upon tons of thoughts. What if I'm pregnant? Will I still have this IUD taken out? Will it cause me to miscarry? I don't want to go through another miscarriage. I don't want to be high risk. Can we afford another baby? We're definitely not in the right place to have another baby right now. OMG, am I at risk to lose this job too, if I have to go on maternity leave early?! I can't lose this job. Will Matt want me to get an abortion? I know he doesn't want anymore kids. Would he really want an abortion? I know he would be disappointed. Could I mentally go through ending a pregnancy because we're not in the right place right now??

I kid you not. The above is only a fraction of what went through my mind all weekend. As the weekend came to an end, Matt's and my anxiety went through the roof. When we got into bed on Sunday night, I sobbed. I haven't sobbed like that since my miscarriage. I sobbed because I was terrified. Terrified of this damn IUD not coming out despite my NP trying. Terrified I'd need surgery to have it removed. And terrified that I was pregnant. You see, my period was due this weekend. Roughly Saturday or Sunday, based on the 31 day cycle I had the month before (and the 33 day cycle the month before that). So by Sunday night, when I had not yet started my period, I was Late. I knew I had to ask for a pregnancy test before the NP tried the removal. If I hadn't started my period by the time of my appointment Monday morning, I would be requesting a pregnancy test.

That Sunday night, Matt held me tight as I sobbed. I finally told him what I was thinking. What made me finally lose it. I told him that I wouldn't be able to end a pregnancy just because it wasn't wanted. The thought is absolutely killing me. To that, he simply said "Ok baby". He could feel my body shaking as I cried, and he could hear me crying. As you're reading this, I'm sure it's hard to not pass judgement on us. I'm sure this all seems so dramatic considering we didn't even know if I was pregnant. But you have to understand something. When you get an IUD that's supposed to be good for 12 years, you don't plan on getting pregnant. So when we were faced with a possible pregnancy, our minds just started racing.

Now before you pass judgement, Matt would never make me get an abortion. He knows whatever I say goes, and he wouldn't try to change that. He's simply trying to look out for our family the best way a man can. He is so understanding, and I know he was worried, stressed and anxious about all of it, just like I was.

Early Monday morning came and went, and still no period. At this point, I was basically telling myself I was pregnant. I was already planning on how I was going to tell my manager. Yes, I'm crazy. Very crazy. Anxiety will do this to a person. Anyway, I left work, and went upstairs for my appointment. The nurse took my blood pressure, and I asked her if it was possible to do a pregnancy test before removal, since I hadn't had my period yet. She said absolutely, and I went and peed in a cup. I came out of the bathroom, and there was Matt with Cael in the waiting room. He surprised me and showed up to the appointment. It made me feel so much better that he showed up and surprised me. I know he was just as worried about everything as I was.

The nurse told me from over the counter that the test appears to be negative. Halle-fricken-lujah! At this point, Matt went back to the waiting room with Cael so I could get undressed for the removal. I quickly texted Matt, "It was negative!". Then I sat back and relaxed on the exam table and waited for my NP to come in. She and the nurse who took my blood pressure came in. My NP asked the nurse if she gave me the results of the test, and she repeated it, "I told her it appeared to be negative." The NP told me that if I was still uncomfortable with the idea, that I could have blood work done. The pee-test was good enough for me. Let's get this thing out!

Luckily and fortunately, the removal was a cinch! I was really anticipating a problem with it coming out, but on the second pull of the string, it came right out. She showed it to me, and it was intact, which is good. They left, I got dressed, and then my NP came back in so we can discuss birth control. I had already decided on the NuvaRing. I had used it previously before we got pregnant the first time, and I didn't have any problems with it. She gave me 2 samples, a prescription, and sent me on my way. Matt and I said bye, and I went back to work, not even missing an hour.

I am so happy to have this behind me. What a stressor this whole thing turned out to be, from the IUD being embedded, to the possibility of being pregnant. At least now I can sigh a deep breath of relief.