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Friday, May 3, 2013

Everything Is Perfect!

My blood pressure was 133/86. That is the highest it's been. Ever, I think. This was Monday morning at my appointment to have my IUD removed. But I wasn't just anxious about the removal of an embedded IUD. I was terrified that I was pregnant. Ever since my NP told me that I'm not protected, my mind has been running rampant with tons upon tons of thoughts. What if I'm pregnant? Will I still have this IUD taken out? Will it cause me to miscarry? I don't want to go through another miscarriage. I don't want to be high risk. Can we afford another baby? We're definitely not in the right place to have another baby right now. OMG, am I at risk to lose this job too, if I have to go on maternity leave early?! I can't lose this job. Will Matt want me to get an abortion? I know he doesn't want anymore kids. Would he really want an abortion? I know he would be disappointed. Could I mentally go through ending a pregnancy because we're not in the right place right now??

I kid you not. The above is only a fraction of what went through my mind all weekend. As the weekend came to an end, Matt's and my anxiety went through the roof. When we got into bed on Sunday night, I sobbed. I haven't sobbed like that since my miscarriage. I sobbed because I was terrified. Terrified of this damn IUD not coming out despite my NP trying. Terrified I'd need surgery to have it removed. And terrified that I was pregnant. You see, my period was due this weekend. Roughly Saturday or Sunday, based on the 31 day cycle I had the month before (and the 33 day cycle the month before that). So by Sunday night, when I had not yet started my period, I was Late. I knew I had to ask for a pregnancy test before the NP tried the removal. If I hadn't started my period by the time of my appointment Monday morning, I would be requesting a pregnancy test.

That Sunday night, Matt held me tight as I sobbed. I finally told him what I was thinking. What made me finally lose it. I told him that I wouldn't be able to end a pregnancy just because it wasn't wanted. The thought is absolutely killing me. To that, he simply said "Ok baby". He could feel my body shaking as I cried, and he could hear me crying. As you're reading this, I'm sure it's hard to not pass judgement on us. I'm sure this all seems so dramatic considering we didn't even know if I was pregnant. But you have to understand something. When you get an IUD that's supposed to be good for 12 years, you don't plan on getting pregnant. So when we were faced with a possible pregnancy, our minds just started racing.

Now before you pass judgement, Matt would never make me get an abortion. He knows whatever I say goes, and he wouldn't try to change that. He's simply trying to look out for our family the best way a man can. He is so understanding, and I know he was worried, stressed and anxious about all of it, just like I was.

Early Monday morning came and went, and still no period. At this point, I was basically telling myself I was pregnant. I was already planning on how I was going to tell my manager. Yes, I'm crazy. Very crazy. Anxiety will do this to a person. Anyway, I left work, and went upstairs for my appointment. The nurse took my blood pressure, and I asked her if it was possible to do a pregnancy test before removal, since I hadn't had my period yet. She said absolutely, and I went and peed in a cup. I came out of the bathroom, and there was Matt with Cael in the waiting room. He surprised me and showed up to the appointment. It made me feel so much better that he showed up and surprised me. I know he was just as worried about everything as I was.

The nurse told me from over the counter that the test appears to be negative. Halle-fricken-lujah! At this point, Matt went back to the waiting room with Cael so I could get undressed for the removal. I quickly texted Matt, "It was negative!". Then I sat back and relaxed on the exam table and waited for my NP to come in. She and the nurse who took my blood pressure came in. My NP asked the nurse if she gave me the results of the test, and she repeated it, "I told her it appeared to be negative." The NP told me that if I was still uncomfortable with the idea, that I could have blood work done. The pee-test was good enough for me. Let's get this thing out!

Luckily and fortunately, the removal was a cinch! I was really anticipating a problem with it coming out, but on the second pull of the string, it came right out. She showed it to me, and it was intact, which is good. They left, I got dressed, and then my NP came back in so we can discuss birth control. I had already decided on the NuvaRing. I had used it previously before we got pregnant the first time, and I didn't have any problems with it. She gave me 2 samples, a prescription, and sent me on my way. Matt and I said bye, and I went back to work, not even missing an hour.

I am so happy to have this behind me. What a stressor this whole thing turned out to be, from the IUD being embedded, to the possibility of being pregnant. At least now I can sigh a deep breath of relief.

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