19 Weeks Old!!

So at 19 weeks, I believe Cael has started teething. It's a very good possibility. He has been horribly fussy the last 2.5 days. Crying and whining when he's not eating or sleeping. So basically most of the day. And with naps, he fights sleep. Even more than normal. He's always fought naps. I don't understand what's so difficult about falling asleep - you're tired, you shut your eyes, you go to sleep. I know I have no problem falling asleep. Well, not with my kid. He fights so hard to stay awake, and always has.

I don't think the fussiness is a result of his shots 4 days ago. I think that would have passed by now. So I went out on Friday, and bought Infant's Tylenol. We've been giving it to him since last night, and it seems to be working. So he's in pain somewhere, I would imagine. It has to be his gums. He's also gnawing harder on my finger, wrist, Sofie, and pacifier. It's funny, because with the pacifier, he'll grab it, pull it out of his mouth, then put it back in his mouth, bite down on it, and rip it back out of his mouth; like he's biting it. So I would imagine this means his gums are bothering him. I don't see any teeth peeking through yet (my previous post about seeing a tooth was a false alarm), and I know it can be weeks or months before one does. I just can't believe my little man will be getting teeth soon! My nipples are hurting already thinking about it.

Speaking of nipples, I'm pretty sure I have an inflamed sebaceous cyst in my right breast, just on the edge of my areola. I'll be making a call to (my previous employer) the breast center tomorrow. After talking to a co-worker today, I decided that I should be seen. I was going to try and just talk to a NP over the phone, and she could tell me what to do. But since it's red and painful, it's probably inflamed, and on its' way to becoming infected. Which means antibiotics. Great. I hope not, but it's a possibility. I hope she could see me tomorrow or Tuesday, and I don't have to wait. It's becoming increasingly painful, especially when Cael latches and eats on that breast. First, I thought it was a plugged milk duct, because it's a superficial lump and painful. I tried heat and massage, and it didn't do anything but make it hurt more. It's getting bigger and more visually obvious each day (even though it's still only the size of a pea). But the clue that led to me thinking it's a sebaceous cyst, is that when I squeeze the opposite ends together (OUCH), I can see pus come to the surface, right under my skin, but not coming out. Oh well, I guess we'll see what they say tomorrow.

Journal And Picture

So yesterday marked 3 weeks since I miscarried. I would have been 8 weeks 2 days today. And I would have had my 8 week appointment on Monday, the 27th. But I'm not. I've been getting better and the days have been getting easier. I've received 2 sympathy cards, which I greatly appreciate. One was from my brother and sister-in-law, and the other one I received was from a co-worker 2 days ago. It's nice to know that they care about me. Sending a card is a small gesture, but means a whole lot more.

I have to be honest. I'm a sonographer. Right after I found out I was pregnant, when I was 4 weeks 3 days pregnant, I decided to scan myself to see if I could see anything, and check to see if I had my dates right. I never told anyone this (except for Matt and my mom). I couldn't really see too much of anything, but I did see a really small sac. I guess that should have been my first clue that maybe something was wrong. I should have at least seen a sac that was larger, and maybe a yolk sac. But of course you think it could never happen to you, so I just assumed my dates were off, and I was earlier than I thought. Fortunately, I was able to print a few pictures of my little sac to keep. Little did I know that was going to be the only proof (other than the pregnancy test and betas) that I was pregnant. That tiny sac. I fell in love with it, and in my mind, it was perfect. Nothing could be wrong, right? Boy was I wrong. But it's ok. I've come to "terms" with it, and I'm happy that I have those few pictures. I consider myself

very fortunate because a lot of women don't get to see their baby that early, and I did. So here is my little baby that was. The little sac is the little black area at the tip of my index finger. Isn't it so cute?

I still have my pregnancy journal, and will never get rid of them. I keep the pictures I have and the cards I got in it.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I can't wait until December comes. Hopefully it won't take too long for Matt and I to get pregnant. I can't wait for that day, although I am going to be terrified that I will go through this again. But I know I can't think like that. I will just have to enjoy it day by day, knowing that I will never know what the next day holds. But I will climb that mountain when the time comes.