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Sunday, December 18, 2011

A Problem I hope Isn't As Big As I Think It Is

I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote on the Sweet Peas FB page, so that I don't have to re-write the whole thing.

I really need to vent because I feel like a horrible mother, and a failure. And I'm very upset right now. I think Cael's circumcision re-adhered :( I'm going to warn you, this is going to be long.

Let me start by saying that neither of us were told that we had to pull the skin back after the circumcision healed, as to prevent a penile adhesion. And after doing some research tonight, everything says that the parents should be taught to do this so that they can properly care for the circumcision, and prevent adhesion. Yea, major fail there on the hospital and pediatrician's part. And I've only started pulling the skin back a few weeks ago after reading something on here. Cael is 15 weeks old tomorrow.

I've thought for a while now that it didn't heal right, but his penis doesn't look "abnormal", so Matt and I thought nothing of it. Plus, we didn't know any better. Well, during Cael's bath today, I had my mom look at it on a whim, just to see what she thought (I have 2 brothers). I asked her if she thought it healed funny, or looked partially fused, and she agreed. I then told her that I was never told to pull the skin back to clean it, and she gave me a look of slight shock, and said "what? I thought you knew that. I didn't think to tell you because I thought you knew." I could tell she was being gentle because she didn't want to upset me. She just said to ask the pedi about it at his next appointment.

So I took him in the room after his bath to dry him off, and I decided to further inspect his penis. This is when I found another problem, and I'm more upset over this. I don't think Cael's penis entirely adhered, but only partly, from a little more to the side of the middle, then around the rest of the penis. I can retract the skin a little on the top and to the other side, but then where it starts to fuse, it stops being able to retract rather bluntly, instead of gradually (if this makes any sense).

Now the worst part. Where it bluntly fuses together laterally, there is something stuck. It must be a piece of debris or fiber from a disposable diaper, and it has to be from a while ago, because I think it got stuck there when the circumcision was healing. His skin must have healed around this fiber because I didn't know to pull back the skin. It feels semi-rigid (not soft, and only a little flexible). It sticks out a little and I maybe noticed it last week, but thought it was some of that white stuff the body produces (smegma?) that you wipe away with a wipe, or in the bath. It's sticking further out now than it was then, so that makes me believe his body is trying to get it out. I can see it continue under his skin. To give a visual, it looks like a splinter would - where a little piece of the splinter sticks out of your skin, but you can see the rest of it continue under your skin. It looks just like that, but white. And it sticks out right at the junction of where it's re-adhered.

My mom and I tried to see if we could work the fiber out, or grab it. With me doing that, it looks like it came out a little more, but only *slightly*. I tried using tweezers, but after GENTLY pulling it, and it not budging, I stopped. It must be stuck there with the new skin that formed. I didn't want to hurt him, or cause an infection.

I'm going to call the pediatrician on Monday, and see what they say. He doesn't go back until Jan 12th for his 4 month visit/shots, but I want to make sure this gets taken care of sooner rather than later. I feel so horrible for Cael. I have a feeling they're going to have to do some procedure to fix it; or at the very least, to get that fiber out. I feel like a huge failure, and that I caused this, and I just want to hold him tight and cry. What's good is that it doesn't seem to be bothering him. But I don't want him to have a scarred or abnormal penis, so I hope it's not as bad as my mind it making out to be. But I can tell that if he gets a erection, it's going to pull the skin tight, and possibly hurt him. Even more, I'm so upset with the hospital and pediatrician for not telling us to retract the skin in order to prevent this from happening. I'm really beating myself up over this. I should have known, or researched it.

My poor Cael :*(

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