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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Nervous As Hell

I have exactly 1 hour until my ultrasound, and I can't stop the shaking. The shaking that starts in your heart, then works its way down to your stomach. The shaking that is created by adrenaline. Yes, that shaking. I'm so excited, and have been waiting for 2 weeks (Yes, 2 weeks! A small amount of time, really, when you compare it to the whole) for this appointment, but I am just so scared. What if the sac isn't there anymore? Although I know this is irrational, as I haven't had any cramping or bleeding that would cause the sac to not be there anymore. What if we don't see an embryo? We should definitely see a fetal pole by now. I know we should. A heartbeat? Maybe. But I know that I'm only 5 weeks 5 days, and there may be a chance of seeing a fetal pole, but no heartbeat. I know that, and am fully prepared for that. I think, anyway. I guess I'm just experiencing every emotion wrapped up into one.

I'm so happy that Matt is coming too. He should be here in 45 minutes. He's meeting me at work, and then we'll walk over to the office together. Then after my visit, I'm going strait down to Long Island to see my family. I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving, and I hope I have some good news and pictures to give them when I get down there tonight. Please be a heartbeat. Please. If the news isn't good, I don't know if I'll be able to drive to LI tonight. I don't know if Matt would let me drive to LI tonight if we got bad news. I would be a wreck. But we're not going to get bad news. We're only going to get good news. I have a feeling this is the pregnancy. I will post an update either tonight or tomorrow. I hope my ultrasound and appointment with the midwife goes well. I have a ton of questions written down to ask her. So..until then.

:::Keep growing baby. Keep growing:::

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