I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote on the Sweet Peas FB page, so that I don't have to re-write the whole thing.
I really need to vent because I feel like a horrible mother, and a failure. And I'm very upset right now. I think Cael's circumcision re-adhered :( I'm going to warn you, this is going to be long.
Let me start by saying that neither of us were told that we had to pull the skin back after the circumcision healed, as to prevent a penile adhesion. And after doing some research tonight, everything says that the parents should be taught to do this so that they can properly care for the circumcision, and prevent adhesion. Yea, major fail there on the hospital and pediatrician's part. And I've only started pulling the skin back a few weeks ago after reading something on here. Cael is 15 weeks old tomorrow.
I've thought for a while now that it didn't heal right, but his penis doesn't look "abnormal", so Matt and I thought nothing of it. Plus, we didn't know any better. Well, during Cael's bath today, I had my mom look at it on a whim, just to see what she thought (I have 2 brothers). I asked her if she thought it healed funny, or looked partially fused, and she agreed. I then told her that I was never told to pull the skin back to clean it, and she gave me a look of slight shock, and said "what? I thought you knew that. I didn't think to tell you because I thought you knew." I could tell she was being gentle because she didn't want to upset me. She just said to ask the pedi about it at his next appointment.
So I took him in the room after his bath to dry him off, and I decided to further inspect his penis. This is when I found another problem, and I'm more upset over this. I don't think Cael's penis entirely adhered, but only partly, from a little more to the side of the middle, then around the rest of the penis. I can retract the skin a little on the top and to the other side, but then where it starts to fuse, it stops being able to retract rather bluntly, instead of gradually (if this makes any sense).
Now the worst part. Where it bluntly fuses together laterally, there is something stuck. It must be a piece of debris or fiber from a disposable diaper, and it has to be from a while ago, because I think it got stuck there when the circumcision was healing. His skin must have healed around this fiber because I didn't know to pull back the skin. It feels semi-rigid (not soft, and only a little flexible). It sticks out a little and I maybe noticed it last week, but thought it was some of that white stuff the body produces (smegma?) that you wipe away with a wipe, or in the bath. It's sticking further out now than it was then, so that makes me believe his body is trying to get it out. I can see it continue under his skin. To give a visual, it looks like a splinter would - where a little piece of the splinter sticks out of your skin, but you can see the rest of it continue under your skin. It looks just like that, but white. And it sticks out right at the junction of where it's re-adhered.
My mom and I tried to see if we could work the fiber out, or grab it. With me doing that, it looks like it came out a little more, but only *slightly*. I tried using tweezers, but after GENTLY pulling it, and it not budging, I stopped. It must be stuck there with the new skin that formed. I didn't want to hurt him, or cause an infection.
I'm going to call the pediatrician on Monday, and see what they say. He doesn't go back until Jan 12th for his 4 month visit/shots, but I want to make sure this gets taken care of sooner rather than later. I feel so horrible for Cael. I have a feeling they're going to have to do some procedure to fix it; or at the very least, to get that fiber out. I feel like a huge failure, and that I caused this, and I just want to hold him tight and cry. What's good is that it doesn't seem to be bothering him. But I don't want him to have a scarred or abnormal penis, so I hope it's not as bad as my mind it making out to be. But I can tell that if he gets a erection, it's going to pull the skin tight, and possibly hurt him. Even more, I'm so upset with the hospital and pediatrician for not telling us to retract the skin in order to prevent this from happening. I'm really beating myself up over this. I should have known, or researched it.
My poor Cael :*(
Cael's first New Years! And he's 17 weeks old today, too! That's two holiday's that Cael turned a new week older on, in a row. We spent New Years Eve at our friend's house, and spent the night there. It took a lot of encouraging on our part to get Matt to agree, but he ended up having fun in the end. It was a great night!
I ended up drinking more than I wanted to. I didn't get "trashed", but I definitely had a nice buzz going. Which makes me feel like a horrible mother. It was well after Cael was in bed, but when I think back on it, he could have waken up at any point to eat, and I would have been in no shape to feed him. I hoped he would have slept until 7 in the morning, but we had no such luck. As soon as Matt and I went into bed at 3am, wouldn't you know that he woke up to eat. Oh well, the last time I had a drink was around 12:30am or so, so I was fine.
So today, at 16 weeks 5 days, Cael discovered he has feet! When I was taking a picture of Cael this morning, I got one of him looking at his feet, like "Hey there! What are you guys?". I figured that it would be a while longer before he would be able to grab his feet, but nope. He did it after his bath, while I was trying to put a diaper on him. He lifted his legs up to his hip level, grabbed his foot, and brought it to his mouth. It was the cutest thing ever! Next to his laughing, of course.
Ho ho ho!! It's Christmas day, and Cael is also 16 weeks old today! It was a rough day today, though. Cael was extremely fussy. For the first time in a long while, Cael was up at 3 am to eat. And then again at 7. But he didn't fall right to sleep like he usually does. He stayed awake, overtired, and cried. And cried, and cried. And he did the same thing for most of the day. I have all these happy pictures of Cael because I know how to time them. He gave us a few 10 minutes spurts where he was in a good mood, and those were my windows of opportunity. 
And now a non-Christmas update. We had Cael to the pediatrician on Thursday to check his circumcision. The doctor saw what I was talking about, but thinks it may be the way his circumcision was done. His words were, "it looks like the circumcision took on the top, but didn't so much on the bottom." He said it could be adhered on the bottom (underneath part), but he didn't want to mess too much with it. He said it's not bad, and sometimes they don't take enough of the skin off, and it can re-attach to the top (glans), and that this wasn't the case here. We told him we were concerned for when he was older, if the skin would be too tight, and he said it shouldn't be a problem. As far as the white fiber that in his skin, he said to leave it alone, and it should work its way out. He didn't want me to try to do it because it could irritate it or cause an infection.
After several days of improvement, Cael has gone back to his fussy self. We've been on Long Island visiting family since Thursday, and we'll be leaving on Tuesday. This is our "holiday" time here, since we won't be coming down at Christmas. Yesterday and today, Cael was a wreck. We visited my best friend Lindsay and her son Liam yesterday at her parent's house, and he cried for most of the time, fighting sleep. He did the same thing today, while we were at my older brother's house. He gets really cranky, because of either gas or other reasons, and then gets overtired, and fights going to sleep. On the way home from my brother's, he screamed in the car for 45 minutes out of the hour long car ride. I wanted to jump out of my car. At least he took a quick, 15 minute nap this evening while we were eating our late Thanksgiving dinner at my brothers. I can't remember the last time I ate a meal without holding Cael, or listening to him scream. It was really nice.
I can't believe how big Liam got! He's 7 weeks older than Cael, and they said he weighs close to 20 pounds! He's in the 95th percentile for height and weight, and he's a beast (I mean that in the most loving way possible). The pictures we got of him and Cael next to each other are great. Cael was screaming (of course), which set Liam off as soon as we put him next to Cael. So basically, every picture we have of them together, they're both crying. It's adorable though.
I weighed Cael yesterday, the 17th (14 weeks 6 days) on mom's digital scale, and it says he weighs 13.8 pounds, which is equivalent to 13 pounds 12.8 ounces. According to the app I have, that puts him in the 25th percentile. I'm assuming his growth is slowing, but I was waiting for that plateau to occur - which I think happens with all breastfed babies at some point.
It was so nice to see my older brother, sister-in-law, and nephews today. I haven't seen them since my shower at 28 weeks pregnant, and even then, I only saw my sil. I didn't see my brother or nephews. I am in utter shock as to how big they got. My youngest nephew, J, is going to be 3 in February. It just flew by in the blink of an eye. I missed most of him growing up, and I'm upset about that. He's a complete little person, and can speak in perfect sentences. The last time I saw him, which now that I think of it, was last Christmas, he was barely speaking at all. And B, my other nephew, is just getting so big! He'll be 6 in April. He's in kindergarten, and is turning into quite the young man. He's so dramatic when he tells stories (especially about his nut allergy), and I love when he says "Aunt Joanne, Aunt Joanne!!" It melts my heart. My third nephew, A (not blood related) is also getting big. He's doing good in school, and is always so excited about everything. And not to mention very polite. 
My younger brother R came as well, which was really nice to have us all together. I wanted to get a good picture of us all, since we're all who's left on my dad's side. Brothers, sister, nephews, aunt, uncles and cousins. I absolutely adore it. And I'm the only girl out of us, so it makes me feel special :) Cael cried most of the time there, but it was so nice to have my brother, sil and nephews meet him for the first time ever.
My son is going to give me a run for my money, that's for sure. I had him in his Bumbo chair today, and after about a minute, he turned his body, and started leaning over the side. He was trying to escape from his Bumbo! I couldn't believe it. While still staying within an arms-reach, I grabbed my camera phone, and took a picture of my very own Evel Knievel. In the words of his father, "He's going to be trouble."
Cael is becoming much more vocal now. He looks right into my eyes as I talk to him, and he babbles right back to me. Even with the pacifier in his mouth, he tries to babble, and smiles. I absolutely adore it with all my heart. He also needs to keep moving around. He can't stay in one place for long, or he gets bored and starts crying. So I started doing "stations". I'll move him around from the crib, to the walker, to the playmat, to the Moby, to looking out the window. He also loves the fish pond upstairs. According to Matt's mom, Matt was the same exact way when he was an infant. Fun times. However, I think he's starting to get much better :::knocks on wood:::. He's taking more naps in his swing or crib, as opposed to me. Which I enjoy. I'll still let him sleep on me a couple of times during the day, because, let's face it - I love the cuddle time. But I also like having some time to myself during the day. He only sleeps for about 30 minutes in the swing/crib, but it's a start.
