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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I Feel Like Whining

So today, I tried on bathing suits at Target so that I had something that fit my increasing boob size for the summer. Well, that started a downhill stress-fest, which included feeling bad for myself, as well as stressing about Cael's arrival. For starters, I feel fat. I know, I know. I'm pregnant. I don't feel fat in my face, belly or upper body, but more in my thighs and butt. I'm sure it was the lighting in the changing room, but my gosh - my legs and butt were lumpy with cellulite. It really made me upset and depressed, and feel bad about myself. So enter mopey mood there.

Then I realized that I only have about 9 weeks left before Cael gets here, and I started stressing about our finances, and how much less I'll be making when I'm out on short-term disability; and then when I go back to work and am paying for daycare. It's very overwhelming, and I'm trying not to stress about it. I've been good so far, but as my due date approaches, the anxiety is creeping up on me.

Finally, add to the list how I'm growing increasing uncomfortable. And I still have 9 weeks left. My belly is tight, and I have constant pressure down low from Cael head-butting my cervix and bladder. There's also pressure up high when he's positioned higher, and it presses into my lungs and stomach. Not to mention every time I sneeze or blow my nose, I pee myself a little. I know he still needs to finishing "cooking", and I shouldn't already feel this way, but I'm ready for him to be out, and me to feel normal again.

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