What Really Matters

I don't know where to start. A fellow September Sweet Pea mama lost her baby Pea today. He was 3.5 months old. I cannot even begin to imagine what her and her husband are going through. I cried, and I cried, and I didn't want to put Cael down in his crib tonight, but I did. You always think it can't happen to you. As of right now, they're calling it SIDS.

For the past year, a whole group of us due in September 2011 have gotten to know each other through The Bump. At some point during our pregnancies, a bunch of us (around 300) made the move over to Facebook, where a private group was started. From there, relationships grew, and the support we gave each other became stronger. We now had names and faces to go with the screen names we've been talking to.

However, over the past week, the whole dynamic of the group has changed. Tempers flared, names were called, people were rude, and some ladies left our group. I'll spare the details, but basically, it got real ugly real quick. Especially today, when information from a private spin-off group (which I'm also a member of) became known in the main Sweet Pea group. I joined this spin-off group to keep in touch with those who decided to leave the main group for whatever reason. Shit hit the fan really fast, and people were quick to point fingers and name names, and some were even right in apologizing. This has going on since about noon.

In the midst of all this controversy; in the midst of watching our group fall to pieces; in the midst of seeing our group of 293 strong drop down to 280-something - this Sweet Pea posted that her sweet baby boy died today. It was a slap in the face. It was more than a slap in the face. It was not expected. It seemed that all the petty bullshit, all the name calling, all the high-school drama came to a screeching halt. We were all in a state of utter shock.

A lot of Sweet Peas were bickering, fighting, defending themselves, defending others, and forgetting what was really important. What really mattered, and what made us all get together in the first place. Our Sweet Peas. While all of this was going on, while some of us (myself included) were "ignoring" our Peas, or having our husbands, mothers, fathers, etc watch our Peas while we intensely watched the drama unfold on our computer screens, a fellow Pea passed away.

It's not internet relationships that matter. It's not he-said-she-said, high school drama crap that matters. It's my son that matters. It's their daughter, and their son that matter. It's our Sweet Peas that matter, and I think for a while, we all forgot that. It's easy to lose sight of what really matters in your life. It's easy to take things for granted; things you think you will always have. I cuddled Cael a little longer tonight because I realized this. I will probably not be able to sleep because of this tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or the night after. And the fact of the matter is that it's very unfortunate that it took a tragedy to yank myself and others out of this la-la land we were in, and snap back to reality.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first Pea that has passed away. We had two other Pea's pass away. Sweet Pea, D, passed away in October at 2 months old. His passing shook our group to the core, and everyone was affected greatly by his passing. We all cried, and we all hurt for his family. We all pulled together to raise money and support our fellow Sweet Pea and her husband. And we're all still there for her when she needs it. She still remains a part of our group, and I am so happy about that. Although I cannot imagine how difficult it is for her to see us all talking about our babies.

And Sweet Pea A passed away in June. He was stillborn at 25-26 weeks. That was another passing that shook us all, and we all pulled together and raised money for her as well. She's not part of our group on Facebook anymore, but I will never forget her. I think about her constantly, and I wish her and her husband the best of luck.

This is all so sad, and I just felt the need to write about it. It's very unfortunate that it took such a horrible tragedy to pull our heads out of our asses, and see what really matters in life. Yes, friendships and relationships are important, and to be honest, if it wasn't for all my fellow Sweet Peas, I'd be completely lost. They have been my rock throughout my pregnancy and after Cael was born. They're my go-to people with questions I have, and I always get answers from them. BUT, my family and my son are the most important things in my life. Not drama, and not petty nothingness. My son, my husband, my family. They are what really matter.