20 Weeks Old!

If this were a pregnancy, Cael would be "half-baked":) So where to start. How about at sleep. Or rather, lack of sleep. The past week has been absolutely horrible during the night. Cael has been getting up anywhere from 12:30 am to 1:30 am. Sometimes he'll fall back to sleep while eating, sometimes he screams, and fights going back to sleep. Then say he's back to sleep by 2 am, he's up again sometime between 4:30 am and 5:30 am. But at this point, he's awake for good. More than not, he's crying and fussing. So I leave the room so that he doesn't wake Matt up.

Fortunately, one good thing is that he's taking naps during the day. Usually, for around 2 hours. I desperately count on the fact that about 1-2 hours after he's awake, he'll take a 2.5 or so hour nap. That's when I sleep too, thankfully. If not for that little gift, I'd be a walking zombie all day long. I really hope that if this is the 4 month sleep regression/4 month wakeful, that it passes quickly. I really miss the days when he'd sleep through the night, until 7am. And even more so the days where we'd both sleep in until 9:30. I was foolish in believing that would last.

Another thing that is weighing greatly on my mind (pun intended), is Cael's eating and weight. It's really concerning me, because I'm afraid that he's not getting what he needs, and therefore not gaining the weight that he needs to in the next 2 weeks. Otherwise, I'm afraid that he'll be labeled "failure to thrive." At exactly 4 minutes after beginning to eat - just like clockwork - he'll pull off the breast, and start screaming and crying. I'll continue trying for the next 3 minutes or so to get him to keep eating, in which he'll take a few more suckles, then come off screaming again. It used to be that this would only happen on the left breast. However, now it doesn't matter which breast he's on. He used to eat longer on the right breast, but not anymore. And after his bath at night, he'd always fall right to sleep on the right breast. Again, not anymore. I really hope this is due to teething, and not me. I really feel like I'm failing Cael; that he doesn't like my milk anymore, and that I'm not good enough for him. Especially when he'll take a bottle with no problem.