So That Was A Shocker

I had a BIG temp spike this morning when I temped. Like, almost the highest temperature on my chart all cycle. This after a temp drop yesterday. After my temp drop yesterday, I figured I was out this cycle, because I should be expecting AF soon. Well, I guess not, because this morning I got a temp spike that would lead me to think otherwise. Also, I changed my chart a little too (meaning, I removed my very early +OPK, and removed the override feature), which in turn gave me a definite cross-hair for ovulation on CD28 - 2 days later than I thought I ovulated. WHICH MEANS, when I tested on Saturday and originally thought that I was 10dpo, I was really 8dpo. Which means today is when I'd be 10dpo. So there still is a chance that I could be pregnant this cycle.

My chart is driving me nuts, and I have no idea what to think or believe anymore. Yesterday, I was fully ready for AF to arrive, so that we could really, officially and "appropriately" try this next cycle. I figured, "Okay, we will do this right, the way our MW wants us to." And then today, I get a temp spike, and my thoughts turn to, "Okay, maybe AF won't be coming today, or tomorrow, and it looks like there is a chance I could be pregnant this cycle."

The more I try to analyze it, the more I drive myself crazy and cause my anxiety to rise. Like, right now - I feel like I'm on the verge of having an anxiety attack, and I just want to cry. My mind is just racing all over the place. What if we are pregnant? What if it ends in another miscarriage? Would I be able to handle another miscarriage emotionally? Is getting pregnant a cycle earlier than we were supposed going to affect anything? Is my MW going to be upset with me if we are pregnant a cycle ahead of when we were supposed to try? I can keep going on, but I'd end up with a novel of worries and what-ifs.

The kicker is that I have 1 test left, and it's a digital. I don't want to waste a digital if I'm not sure. Trust me, if I had other tests around, you best believe I would have peed on it by now. I don't get paid until Thursday, and unfortunately, money has been tight these last few weeks because of all the festivities we had in October. It ran our bank account dry pretty much. That means there is no extra money to spend on HPT's until Thursday. Great. I just have to suck it up, and put on my big-girl panties, as my mother-in-law would say, and wait until Thursday to test. It's going to be a loonngggg next 3 days. That is, unless AF decides to show her face.

Quickly: So to go along with my craziness and anxiety, my phantom EDD if I am pregnant this cycle would be August 13, 2011. That is not based on my LMP (because right now, I am on day 38 of my cycle, so LMP would be inaccurate), but based on a conception date of Saturday, November 6th; a day after my suspected ovulation date. That in itself opens up a bunch of conflicting issues surrounding that date (like my BF's wedding - August 19; and Matts' cousin's wedding - August 12). BUT, lets not get too ahead of ourselves now. I first need a positive HPT before I can start planning that far ahead. And not to mention, a pregnancy that goes well past 5 weeks and 1 day. :::sigh:::