6 Weeks!

I went ahead and canceled Cael's daycare spot that we've had reserved since I was 9 weeks pregnant. It's official - I definitely won't be returning to my previous employment. I got a message on Monday from a co-worker that only said, "We have a box of your things. Do you want to come pick it up?". That's it - nothing asking how I'm doing, or how Cael is, or that they miss me. These were the people that I cared about and thought cared about me. I considered these people my "second family". I'm pretty sure I'm seeing it for how it is, and not reading into it deeper than it is. Oh well - I guess it's best that I don't return there. But Matt and I will definitely be consulting a lawyer to see if what they did to me is fair or not.

On another note, at pretty much the same time that I found out that they're not offering me another position, a position opened up at a local hospital - only a few miles from my house. That would truly be ideal if I could work there. So I applied for that position on Monday, and we'll see what happens. I'd also have to look into a local daycare, and see if there are even any spots open for an 8 week old. I know a lot of daycare's have waiting lists for very young infants. I really do want to stay home with Cael full-time, but realistically, we'd be in a financial bind if I didn't work. Staying home would allow me to exclusively breastfeed, and I'd be able to be there for all of Cael's major milestones. But who knows if I'll still be "forced" to stay home - I may not even get that job.

I can't believe that Cael is 6 weeks old already! It's just flying by so fast. My mom and I (yes, I'm on Long Island again for another week) weighed him yesterday, and there was a difference of 11.6 pounds between my weight and our combined weight. I can't believe how fast he's gaining weight! He's also 23 inches long. According to an app on my phone, he's around the 85th percentile for length, and the 50th percentile for weight. Unreal! We also had to remove the infant head support insert in his car seat, because he looked like a sardine with it in. It was just last week that I removed the additional newborn supports, and now I removed the rest of it. It's just an "empty" car seat now, with no additional cushions. So I roll up a blanket and put it up around his head, because his head can now flop around without the insert in it. It makes me feel better, anyway.

My postpartum depression is also getting better now, with the help of my medications. I'm not sure if I previously wrote about this or not, but I had a big allergic reaction to the Zoloft I was put on, and broke out in a horribly itchy rash all over my body. I dealt with it for 2 weeks until I had my 6 week pp appointment last Tuesday. I was then switched back onto Celexa. So currently, I'm on both Wellbutrin and Celexa, and I believe I'll be on both for 6 months.

I feel so much better too. I can honestly say that I'm head over heels in love with Cael, and I think I've bonded and connected with him. I don't have those horrible feelings towards him anymore. I love him so much, and couldn't imagine my life without him. Sure, my life is now changed forever - my body will never be the same, I probably will never buy things for myself that I don't need, I'll never get a full nights' sleep again, and I've lost my job - but it's all worth it for my son.

Here is my Lil' Man at 6 weeks old. And another picture of the 2 of us enjoying the Fall weather on Long Island.

:::My life has forever changed for the better because of *You*:::