We Have A Sac, People!!

I'm 4 weeks and 5 days today. And let me tell you, I've been stressing like crazy so much today, that I felt like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack all day. I guess it's because I'm nearing the same gestational age I was at when I miscarried - 5 weeks 1 day. I was freaking out so much, that my co-worker S tried scanning me with our machine. Because I'm still so early, we didn't see much, and that was expected. So S suggested that we go over the ultrasound department, and see if we could use one of those machines. So we headed on over to see if they were busy. One of the techs there, J, wasn't doing anything at the moment, so she said she would scan me. And we saw a GESTATIONAL SAC AND YOLK SAC!! I started crying instantly, because we didn't have a sac like this last time. We should definitely see an embryo and heartbeat in one week when we go for our official ultrasound. I am so over the moon and ecstatic! Also, here is a picture of my "bump". It's actually more like bloat, and some weight-gain from the holidays. :)

4 Weeks 5 Days

C'mon little one - STICK! Please, I'm begging you. As I approach the 5 week 1 day mark - when I miscarried last time - I'm getting more anxious. I know my numbers are great, and I go for an ultrasound in a week, but I can't help but feel that anxious feeling. Like I'm setting myself up for failure because I feel this pregnancy is the one. :::sigh::: Enjoy one day at a time, Joanne. One day at a time.

I've also started up a blog for the ladies on the September 2011 board. Since I'm on the dang computer everyday, I figured why not? And I'm enjoying doing it. It'd be a fun way to keep tabs on everyone as we get further along. I just hope I'm not setting myself (and the ladies) up for disappointment, because God forbid something happens, I'm the only one with access to the blog because it's under my account...ONE DAY AT A TIME, JOANNE. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

I Bought A Journal

So today I bought a journal for this pregnancy. Unlike my last pregnancy, this isn't a dedicated pregnancy journal, but just a regular journal from the Willow Tree collection, which I love. I has a Willow Tree 3D emblem on the front, blank line pages inside, and on the back cover there is a pocket to put keepsake items, such as photos. Also, in the front there is the saying, "Kept forever in the heart". I'm going to start writing in it today, since I'm at work, and the snow is scaring away all of our patients. I have 2 more patients to do, but not for another 2 hours!

Is it bad that I've already started a wish-list of baby items at Target and Babies R' Us? I've been looking at cribs, and everything already. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I think that is a completely normal side effect of the excitement :).

Oh yea! And I got on Thursday January 6th for my first ultrasound to make sure everything is forming properly. I have a really good feeling about this pregnancy, and hope that this is our sticky baby. The fact that my blood work is doing so well has made this start to feel so much more real. I just can't get over it!

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So Far, So Good!

I got the results of my third bhCG blood work today....And everything is progressing perfectly! My numbers more than doubled to 450 today! Grow baby, GROW! The midwife said that my progesterone was good too, but didn't give me the number. I trust her. So because I've had 2 doubling tests, she doesn't find it necessary to do anymore blood work. She told me to call the office tomorrow, and schedule an ultrasound to check on the progress of things and for a heartbeat, for a week from Tuesday! I'm so excited! I cannot wait to see our little blob on the screen. It's finally feeling real at this point. Like...really real. I'm pregnant. I'm really pregnant, and although it's early, everything is going well so far. I truly believe that my beta's never got as high as my second round of blood work did this time around. And honestly, I would be surprised if they even got over 100. Technically, by next Tuesday, I would be 5 weeks 3 days. I think that would be too early to see a heartbeat, but then again, my midwife knows best, right? Maybe because my betas are doubling so quickly and seem higher, then maybe I'm further along than I thought? But that can't be, because I know when I ovulated. Oh well, I'll schedule the ultrasound for when she says, and then we'll go from there.

I'm so happy and excited, and what makes me even happier, is that Matt seems happier and more concerned this time around. He came out and told me that he was really happy and relieved that my numbers doubled again. That means the world to me. He's not usually one to vocalize what he's feeling, so when he does, you know he really means it. And when we're laying in bed falling asleep, he'll hold me and put his hand on my belly. That also means the world to me. I love my husband and this little being growing inside of me that we created together, so much, there are hardly words.

Merry Christmas To Me - I Think I'm Starting To Get Symptoms :)

So I've been noticing these twinges in my pelvic area, on either side. But mostly on the right side. We were upstairs with Matt's family opening presents, and this one twinge that happened where my right ovary would be was such a shock, it stopped me mid-sentence. They're not cramps, so I'm not getting worked up over it. I think I vaguely remember this happening early on in my last pregnancy, like around where I'm at now. OH yea! I'm 4 weeks today :) I'm so excited. Only 36 weeks to go LOL! My nipples are also starting to feel sensitive, even just brushing along my pj's. The boobs aren't sore yet though, but I'm definitely expecting them to soon. Yay for the start of pregnancy symptoms! Bring it on - I gladly welcome them!!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope Santa treated everyone nice and everyone got what they hoped for. My husband treated me great, getting me (and baby) tons of gifts. He got me Ugg boots - which I absolutely wanted! Awesome ones too - He says they're the new style out now. He also got the baby (albeit it's early) a bunch of funny onesies from Spencers. Matt and I are absolutely thrilled and beyond happy. Finding out our pregnancy is going well so far, being with family, and everything Matt got me, and I got him has made this a wonderful Christmas. Merry Christmas!

Oh yea, we go for my third hcg level blood draw tomorrow. Keep hoping for more doubling numbers!

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And The Results Are In...

And my beta's more than doubled! They went from 43 to 138 in 48 hours! I am beyond thrilled - there are no words. What another great Christmas gift this is. My progesterone also increased to 33.4 - which is fabulous. We will be telling my mom and Matt's family tomorrow morning, on Christmas morning. I can't wait. Merry Christmas everyone!

Blood Draw #2 Is Tomorrow

So tomorrow afternoon, I will be going for blood work #2 for this pregnancy. They will be checking to see if my hcg is doubling like it should be. My progesterone was good yesterday, so I don't expect any changes there. I should then find out tomorrow evening what my results are. I have to call the ob office, have my midwife paged, and then she will call labor & delivery to get my results. It sounds like such a drawn out process just to get blood work results. I kind of feel bad calling and having her paged for results, but it's what they said to do. So you better believe that I will do that. I then go again on Sunday for more blood work. I'm so nervous about the results tomorrow. I am really, really hoping that they double. Please double. And please stick, Little One.

I'm going to put the thermometer away, as well as the remaining hpt's I have. My temp dropped this morning (but not below my coverline), but enough to make me worry. So I peed on another test this morning just to calm me down, and the line was darker than it was on the previous

tests. Still faint, but darker. After asking about the temps after a positive test on the Bump board, I decided to take the advice of the ladies there, and stop temping. It definitely adds stress! Here is my test from this morning. :)

Wow. I Just Realized..

That my due date for this pregnancy falls on the same day as the date that I miscarried. I'm still in shock that I didn't realize this sooner. Like, after I ovulated and FF told me my EDD would be September 3, 2011 if I conceived this cycle, I should have realized it then. But I didn't. I find that very eerie. Hopefully it's a good sign.

And So The Journey Begins

So today, I called my ob/gyn with a slew of questions - half pregnancy related, half not. Long story short, I've been having some problems "down there", consisting of rash, itchiness, etc. So I went in on Monday for a visit, and they did an exam and sent a swab for a culture. I was initially supposed to call today to get those results, but it just so happens that I got my positive pregnancy test this morning too. How convenient. So I called for those results, and to let them know that I got a + hpt, and to get an order for blood work. They finally called me back around lunch time, and I was off to get my blood drawn. The midwife said that if my progesterone was low, they would immediately start me on progesterone suppositories. She also said the initial beta doesn't really mean much, but todays in combination with Friday's beta is what will count. They want to see them double every 48 hours. So I go again Friday and Sunday.

So I got a call around 5pm today from a midwife at the office with my results. I'm so happy that I didn't have to wait until tomorrow for my results. My progesterone looks good at 28.1, so I don't need suppositories; and my hcg is 43. What's going to matter is Friday's number - I'm seriously hoping that it doubles by Friday. The midwife also said that if they are doubled within the 3 times I have my blood tested, then they won't need to do any more blood work. I will then go in for an ultrasound around the first week of January (I will be around 6 weeks then) to check for a heartbeat. If there's a heart beat, then I definitely don't need anymore blood work done. Hopefully, they will still continue to monitor me until I'm done with my first trimester. It's going to be a long next couple of months, but hopefully it will all be worth it in the end.

A wonderful lady from the TTCAL board, Noah-Bear (click for her etsy shop), was generous enough to make hand-stamped washer ornaments for the ladies on the board for Christmas. I got mine in the mail today, and I absolutely love it. I immediately put it on our tree. She also was looking for someone to make a cuff bracelet for, so she made one for me. It's also hand-stamped, and says "in memory of our johnny appleseed 9.3.10". It came out perfect. I can't wait to wear it to work tomorrow. I am so thrilled that we are pregnant, and now I can say I'm looking forward to 2011.

I'm...Just Speechless

Fear. Excitement. Happiness. Terror. Numbness. Joy.

My test came up Positive. Like, really positive. It says "Pregnant" on it. Like, there's a baby growing inside me right now. I just don't know what to say. I can't believe I got pregnant so fast. My heart really breaks for those women who struggle to get pregnant. I can't even imagine what they're going through. And almost feel guilty that I got pregnant so quickly.

I really hope that this pregnancy sticks around for a little while. I'm really, really hoping. Can you tell I'm at a loss for words? I have so much going through my head right now. I haven't let the pregnancy test out of my sight. I keep looking at it, thinking a "Not" might show up in front of the word "Pregnant". I got up to go to the gym, but I'm not sure I want to now. I really should though, to keep up with it.

One day at a time. I know I'm extremely early - only 3 weeks 4 days today. Anything can happen at this point. I'm trying to not get too excited, but at the same time, taking it day by day, and I will try not to be a worry wart. I know to enjoy each day I get, as I may not have it tomorrow.

Oh yea. My estimated due date? September 3, 2011. I guess I can stop squeezing my boobs and nipples now to see if they're sore.

Stick baby, STICK!!

My Hope For This Cycle Is Fading

All of the "symptoms" I had are gone. My boobs don't hurt, I have no cramping, and honestly, I've scanned my uterus and my endometrial lining has even gone down - 7.8mm to 6.0mm. Not a good sign of pregnancy. The only thing I have going for me this cycle is that my temperatures continue to remain elevated, and higher than usual. So because of all that, in addition to not feeling pregnant (like I did last time), I think this cycle is a bust. I started testing 3 days ago. I'm not sure why so early. Maybe because I have those sensitive tests that can test a minimum hcg of 10? Either way, none of them have showed even the faintest line of hope. All negative. I'm only at CD10, so technically it's not over till it's over, but still. I just feel like this cycle will be ending soon. I actually hope it does (if I'm not pregnant, that is). My period should be here in 4-5 days. Then on to the next one.

I can't even hope for a birthday BFP, because my damn cycles are long and I'm a late ovulator. Maybe a Valentine's Day BFP? Actually, if I ovulate on schedule, I'd know about a week and a half before V-Day. I guess that would be fun. I just want my baby now. I would have been halfway through my pregnancy by now. I'd be 20 weeks 5 days by now. I really need to stop counting. It can't be good for my mental health. ::sigh::

Allow Me To Introduce...

My furbabies! We got Killian, our Chocolate Lab, in October 2005. He was born August 7, 2005 and we got him from a private breeder when he was 8 weeks old. He picked us, which was perfect. When he was little, he looked just like a bear! I can't believe how much time has passed since we got him - he just turned 5 in August! Although he is a purebred, he has his fair share of health issues. Basically, he has allergies - environmental and to DUST MITES! Funny thing is that dust mites originate because of animals. So he is allergic to himself essentially. He also gets chronic ear infections (since he was a puppy), skin rashes, and gets allergy shots monthly from us. With all that, we still love him very much, and he has nothing but love for us.

Then there is Tyson. He turned 3 in June, as he was born June 22, 2007. He is our little "butt nugget", or "football" as my in-laws call him (because he is pudgy and brown, like a football). He is a Boston Terrier/Jack Russell mix, and actually, not really hyper at all. He is my snuggle baby, as he likes to burrow himself under the covers, and snuggle with Matt or I. He sleeps in our bed at night, whereas Killian doesn't, because he growls anytime your feet get close to him. Aside from going into anaphylactic shock when he got his second booster shot, he is in pretty good health.

The two of them love each other very much, and whenever they are apart, they whine for each other. It's very cute, actually.

Finally, meet Bonnie and Clyde - our Sugar Gliders. They are brother and sister. Matt got them for me for last Christmas, in November. Unfortunately, we are their 3rd owners, so they never got to fully bond to a "human". The poor things. Because of this, they're taking longer than usual to bond to me. They were about 8 months old when we got them in November 2009. Matt and I drove down to Staten Island to get them from this lady who couldn't keep them. Clyde is more calm and relaxed than Bonnie is, and he isn't as jumpy. He was the first to let me pet him. I may not be able to currently cuddle them like I wanted to, but I still love them, and I know one day they will fully bond to me.

Everything Sleep

This comes to mind, and I feel a load of comfort when I think of it. I couldn't sleep the other night, but I said this about 3 times, and was able to fall asleep. I'm not religious by any means, but for some reason, the words comfort me.

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

And if I die before I wake

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

It makes me think of my baby that I lost. Although I was really early when I miscarried, and I can in no way say that Johnny Appleseed was "born" asleep, it just comforts me that whatever soul JA had is in good hands. Where ever it is.

Speaking of sleep, my co-worker came to me this morning, and told me about a dream she had last night that was about me. She said in her dream, she was me. It was cool outside, so sometime around fall - September/October-ish. Before she realized subconsciously that it was me in her dream, she picked up this little baby dressed in all pink and was cuddling it. She told me she was thinking, "What am I doing with a baby?" That's when she realized that she was me in her dream. So she came to me this morning, and said, "Girl. You're going to have a girl in October." Shocked, I replied, "What? How do you know that?" She then told me her dream. I asked her if it could have possibly been September, and she said it could be, because it was cool outside, but not freezing - so sometime in the fall. It made me really happy, because Fertility Friend says if I conceive this cycle, my EDD would be September 3, 2011. That's close enough to fall for me! And even if not this cycle, and next, it would bring me into October. I hope dreams really do come true.

I have now been completely off of my sleep medications since around November 22nd, and I've actually (and surprisingly) been doing very well. I haven't had too many instances where I wanted to fall asleep during work, or even worse, while driving. I did nod off while driving when I was pregnant, and went off the road, and that was the scariest thing ever. I don't feel like I need to sleep all the time. It actually feels great. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days where I'm driving and my eyes just feel heavy and want to close, but compared to what it was previously when I was off my meds, I'm doing good. They say studies have shown that pregnancy can sometimes cure Hypersomnia. I don't know exactly if that means full-term pregnancies and delivery, or any length of pregnancy, but I'd like to think that my little Johnny Appleseed has helped my Hypersomnia symptoms ease a little. My little miracle.

Grow Cyst, Grow!

So that cyst I previously told you about is still around. Meaning I haven't ovulated yet. But that's ok, because I didn't think I did anyway. Well, after looking at it yesterday and seeing it was smaller, I was a little upset, thinking it was just re-absorbing into my body, and I wasn't going to ovulate this cycle :::my paranoid self:::. So today, I took another peek at my ovary, and now it's bigger - about 2.2cm in its greatest dimension. Yay - it's getting bigger! Which probably means I should be ovulating soon. Here is my lovely little cyst, which will hopefully release a tiny little egg, which will hopefully produce a beautiful little baby :::fingers crossed:::

So now I have a confession to make. I really had to pee today at work before I left to go home. Like, really had to pee. But I didn't want to waste the pee, given I didn't have an ovulation prediction test with me, and I have an hour and 15 minute drive home, and probably would have pissed myself if I hit a little bump in the road. SO, I "borrowed" a specimen cup from work, and peed in it so I could bring my pee home to dip an OPK in and test with that urine. I figured if I peed, and then went home and peed again, that second pee would have less LH in it. However, the best part of this story is as follows: So we already established that I really had to pee. Well, apparently I had to pee so bad, that I ended up overshooting the cup, and peed all over my hand and cup! Ugh! I guess I couldn't control how fast I peed. Needless to say, when

I finally got home and dipped the OPK, it was negative. BUT, the test line was darker than it had been in previous days although the test line was just slightly lighter than the control line. This means my LH is starting to go up, so I will test again in the morning to hopefully catch this surge. I don't want to wait another 24 hours to test again for fear of missing my surge. Granted, my last surge lasted 3 days; But I still don't know what my cycles are like, so I'd rather be safe than sorry. What a lovely less-than-positive OPK. Hopefully it will be positive tomorrow!

We've Got A Cyst, People!!

That's correct. My right ovary will be the one that releases that precious egg this cycle (hopefully, that is). I was having some twinges on my right side, so I asked a co-worker to take a "peek" at my ovaries, because I had a feeling I have a cyst. It's not too big yet, but I can definitely feel it, and it's getting there. :::Fingers Crossed:::