Sigh...

I've been doing good so far. However, as each day passes, the more and more I wish I was still pregnant. I seriously can't wait until December comes. Actually, if my cycles stay consistent, we may actually be able to try at the end of November. And that would be awesome :).

I scanned a patient today that was 17 weeks pregnant with her third child, and she was obviously showing (the scan was not pregnancy related). As soon as I saw her information sheet which said that she was pregnant, my heart sank. But I had to fight through my feelings of sorrow, anger and jealously, put on a smile, and of course do her ultrasound. Is it bad that when I saw her belly, I wished it was me? I wished I was pregnant, and became extremely jealous of her? It's probably normal to feel that way, but at the same time, I work in the health field, and feel that I should not have these feelings. After all, I don't know what she had to possibly go through to become pregnant. And of course, I didn't let my feelings compromise the level of care I provided to her. I would never let that happen. I love my job too much to risk that.

I think I may be getting my period this weekend, which I would be thankful for. However, I will be away this weekend, and am hoping that it's not too heavy that I'm uncomfortable. I will be at my best friend's engagement party, and I want to be able to enjoy it. I'm not sure if I will drink though. I'm still undecided. I think since July, I've had maybe 1 beer?? (after my miscarriage, of course). I don't know - I just feel guilty drinking, because in my mind, I should still be pregnant, and therefore not allowed to drink. But I have to realize that I'm not pregnant anymore, and I should be able to continue to enjoy life. All I can keep thinking about is that with every passing day, December is getting closer. Plus, with how much I have going on in October, I'm sure it will be here in the blink of an eye.

Lets see: In October, I will have only been home for 1 weekend out of the 5 in October (which was last weekend). This weekend I will be on Long Island for an engagement party, and will be coming back Sunday. Then Tuesday the 12th, I am having an upper Endoscopy done for stomach problems I've been having. I then leave for Denver, CO on Thursday the 14th for an Ultrasound conference, and return Sunday the 17th to be at work on Monday the 18th. THEN, the next weekend, which is the 23rd, I have to go to Long Island again for my uncles wedding. And finally, the last weekend in October, which is the 30th, I will be in my other best friend's wedding. Not to mention I have 2 other doctor appointments in there somewhere, and bowling leagues on Sunday nights...PHEW! What a crazy month! I feel like I'm forgetting something though..Oh well, I'll think of it..

So long for now. Hoping I get my period this weekend, but also at the same time, looking forward to my BF's engagement party :)