It's Been A While

I realized I haven't written here in a long time. I'm sorry guys. Matt and I are so much closer to trying again. I'm halfway through this cycle (although, I still don't know if I'm going to ovulate or not), so after this next period, Matt and I will be golden to start trying again. I'm so excited, yet nervous at the same time. I know I've only miscarried once, and there are several ladies that I've talked to on TheBump who have had several miscarriages/pregnancy losses, but I just want my take-home baby. I hope we're able to conceive on our first try.

In other news, so much has happened in the last few weeks. I just can't wait for this month to be over! It's been fun though!

I have my bf's wedding coming up tomorrow. It will be a Halloween/Fall themed wedding, and I'm in it. I LOVE our bridesmaids dresses. They're black and floor-length, so they are definitely a dress we can wear again. We finished all the programs and favors, and now we're just doing some last minute things to get ready.

My uncles wedding was last weekend. It was a lot of fun, but there was drama as well. Which is to be expected at an Italian wedding :) So last weekend, the wedding was on Saturday, and Matt and I went down to Long Island on Friday night (Oh yea, almost EVERYTHING I've done this month involved me driving down to LI). We left for home on Sunday around 11:30am. We were about 10 minutes from home when I get a call from my brother that there is something wrong with mom. He was asking me if she was ok when I left the house that morning, and she was. So I called my moms, and my other brother answered the phone, and I was asking him what was going on. He said mom was acting weird, saying weird things, and seeing things. So I had him put me on the phone with her. After talking to her for less than a minute, I had her put my brother back on the phone, and I told him that they needed to call an ambulance. My other brother (who called me in the first place - he's 20) was 5 minutes from home, so they waited on calling the ambulance until he came home and could assess what was happening. I hung up the phone, and waiting until he called me back from home.

So my brother called me back, and I spoke to him, and he said there was definitely something wrong with mom. I spoke to my mom one more time, in which I asked her what her birthday was - the golden question for assessing mental status. When she couldn't tell me, and also couldn't tell me what day it was, I told her to put my brother on the phone. I said, "Rob, you need to call an ambulance right NOW. She can't tell me her birthday." After he hung up with me, they called the ambulance and took her to the hospital. I knew it wasn't good based on me talking to mom.

I will have to leave you at this for now, because I have to go do wedding festivities. But I will tell you that she is ok now, and out of the hospital after a 2 day stay. I will continue later.

Sigh...

I've been doing good so far. However, as each day passes, the more and more I wish I was still pregnant. I seriously can't wait until December comes. Actually, if my cycles stay consistent, we may actually be able to try at the end of November. And that would be awesome :).

I scanned a patient today that was 17 weeks pregnant with her third child, and she was obviously showing (the scan was not pregnancy related). As soon as I saw her information sheet which said that she was pregnant, my heart sank. But I had to fight through my feelings of sorrow, anger and jealously, put on a smile, and of course do her ultrasound. Is it bad that when I saw her belly, I wished it was me? I wished I was pregnant, and became extremely jealous of her? It's probably normal to feel that way, but at the same time, I work in the health field, and feel that I should not have these feelings. After all, I don't know what she had to possibly go through to become pregnant. And of course, I didn't let my feelings compromise the level of care I provided to her. I would never let that happen. I love my job too much to risk that.

I think I may be getting my period this weekend, which I would be thankful for. However, I will be away this weekend, and am hoping that it's not too heavy that I'm uncomfortable. I will be at my best friend's engagement party, and I want to be able to enjoy it. I'm not sure if I will drink though. I'm still undecided. I think since July, I've had maybe 1 beer?? (after my miscarriage, of course). I don't know - I just feel guilty drinking, because in my mind, I should still be pregnant, and therefore not allowed to drink. But I have to realize that I'm not pregnant anymore, and I should be able to continue to enjoy life. All I can keep thinking about is that with every passing day, December is getting closer. Plus, with how much I have going on in October, I'm sure it will be here in the blink of an eye.

Lets see: In October, I will have only been home for 1 weekend out of the 5 in October (which was last weekend). This weekend I will be on Long Island for an engagement party, and will be coming back Sunday. Then Tuesday the 12th, I am having an upper Endoscopy done for stomach problems I've been having. I then leave for Denver, CO on Thursday the 14th for an Ultrasound conference, and return Sunday the 17th to be at work on Monday the 18th. THEN, the next weekend, which is the 23rd, I have to go to Long Island again for my uncles wedding. And finally, the last weekend in October, which is the 30th, I will be in my other best friend's wedding. Not to mention I have 2 other doctor appointments in there somewhere, and bowling leagues on Sunday nights...PHEW! What a crazy month! I feel like I'm forgetting something though..Oh well, I'll think of it..

So long for now. Hoping I get my period this weekend, but also at the same time, looking forward to my BF's engagement party :)